A Different View
by dime bag
Summary: After destiny reveals itself, Mamoru must come to terms with his feelings. The question is, does he want to follow in the footsteps of his past self?


06-14-2005

dimebgyahoo.ca

AN: I was toying with with the idea for a while, and I decided to write it. I'm not sure if this has been done before (probably) since I haven't come across anything like this, so I don't have a tried-and-true template for writing this. Comments and criticism are welcome.

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon.

A Different View

Rated: PG

by dime bag

The more I think about it, the odder it seems.

Theory has it that people mature, change from who they were earlier on in their life. This is usually caused by new experiences, feelings, events that open their eyes to a broader view of the world. Things they liked then usually change to accommodate this new perspective they acquire.

Am I not the same as these people that walk the earth right this day, this very second? Am I not entitled to mature in my thoughts and feelings?

When I learned of the former love I had shared with Princess Serenity, now reborn as Usagi Tsukino, I was startled to say the least. From the moment I had discovered my ability to change into Tuxedo Mask and the dreams that plagued me at night, I was weary of what would come out of this situation. That princess I had to protect—who was she? Who were these Sailor Scouts, and the Negaverse monsters that attempted to destroy myself and said soldiers? There was always that feeling that I was way in over my head. I was a mere mortal man, who throughout his life had not encountered magic or anything that could be perceived as unusual. 

Tuxedo Mask was my wake-up call.

Usagi Tsukino—a ditzy, klutzy girl almost into their teen years. It makes me sad that this girl's life takes a back step to accommodate her new destiny as the savoir of Earth. She hasn't even lived long enough to mature out of her lazy and underachieving state of mind. Has she had a first kiss? A first date? Will she, now that there seems to be an unending supply of evil out to win over good?

And the other girls are not that much better off. I am curious how is it that this was allowed to happen? Why were they not approached the same way I was, and born earlier? Would that have caused a disruption in time, or was it simply not meant to be that way? That way they could have seen more of the world, in the way that I had. For teenage years are the most important of a person's life, as it is during this time that they grow up to be the person they will be for the rest of their life. It is during this time that they acquire the moral values and principles that will stay with them for the rest of their life. How ironic is that those who are supposed to save us from evil are still theoretically children themselves?

However, I must wonder: is there a straight answer, or am I preculating over nothing?

Usagi Tsukino—the princess I was sent to protect, the Princess of the Moon, who holds more power that she cares to realize.

Usagi Tsukino—a girl I'm supposed to be in love with.

But how am I supposed to do such a thing? How am I, a 19-year-old reincartation of the Prince of the Earth, supposed to love a 14-year-old reincartation of the Princess of the Moon when all we've said to each other throughout our lives on present Earth were petty insults?

Am I the same person as the prince was? I don't believe so, because how could I be when all we share is this power and the duty to protect the princess?

But what about my personal feelings, those that I have now? Could I love Usagi when all I feel toward her now is an urge to protect her, keep her away from all this fighting and the evil of the world? Am I right in feeling and thinking this particular way? Or does she have to grow up now, at this point in time like so many other childen have grown up before her?

Will loving her be something that I will learn to do, eventually as time passes? And how do I know that I don't love her now? Is there a measuring system to tell how much you love a certain person? Must you actually love the person for it to be able to count, or can I say that what I love about Usagi is that she is the princess and that she willingly risks her life to save others?

The greater point is, how do I love Usagi as my past self had loved the princess? And the bigger question is: can I love Usagi?

What I am afraid of now is that my past self and I have nothing in common besides the great destiny we're been given. If that is true, is there a way out for me, or is Usagi "it"?

I am not sure how is it that she looks at her destiny, or how she feels about being my true love as I had not stayed around long enough to find out. Is she as perplexed as I am, or is she indifferent? Perhaps a mixture of two?

However, I must admit that while this newly discovered destiny is frightening and overall not welcome, it does have a sense of honor to it. The fact that I was chosen as this person really strokes the ego. But was I really chosen per say? Am I not the actual prince reborn into a present century? So was I chosen at this point in time, or does the destiny go back to when the Silver Millenium was in its blossoming state? Was I going to be Mamoru Chiba, with blode hair and grey eyes, with a friendly attitude and nice parents, but instead of being the person I was supposed to, I was instead given the characteristics of the prince?

How do I explain this?

How is it that I am the same person, but with different feelings? Is that possible, am I the only one this way, or are the others experiencing this as well? How do I follow a path that has been set out for me when I am the prince by name, but Mamoru Chiba inside?

I am curious about how the other sailor soldiers are reacting to this destiny of protecting the princess. Are they happy to give up their ambitions and goals to make sure earth is safe from any sort of threat and invasion, or are they thinking of rebelling against what was given them?

What they have, however, is much more than I do. They have each other, to confide in, to think everything out, to make decisions with. All I have is my mind, and my view on this.

But I can't forget the kiss on the roof of Ann and Alan's apartment building—and don't misinterpret me, for it was chaste and sweet. It showed how willing Usagi had been to give up all the bad history we had together and follow what had been laid out for us to follow. I'm not sure, but I envy her in a way, for not questions what she feels and just do what she must. But maybe she really does love me, maybe my struggle is one-sided?

How is it that I go about fixing this problem? Will I stand up and announce that I can't do this, for I do not love her, or will I eventually accept it and forge a relationship with Usagi?

And what of the dreams of being becoming a doctor? Are those forever lost now? How will I be able to concentrate on my studies with all the interruptions and attacks?

Today I did not go to the Crowd Arcade, where I usually come to relax and enjoy the company of my friend, Andrew. Because she'll be there, and I still have not sorted out my plans. And there's not use in involving her when I'm still not sure of what I'm doing.

So instead I'm at a run-down pub, stationed on a seedy street, where men in dirty clothing and bad grooming come to drink away their sorrows.

The contents of my mug are almost gone and my intoxicated mind wants another. The barman offers up the bottle, full of the liquid he mysterious calls "the brew." But at this point in time, I don't mind, because the name of a liquor is at the bad of my mind. All I want to do is sit here for the next eternity and dwell in everything.

The brew is strong, and my mind is succumbing to self-pity. No longer do I care about objective thinking, I'm sad that I'm stuck in this quicksand and it's sucking me down and I can't help myself.

"So what's your problem, boy? You seem too young to be sitting here among all the helpless." The barman leans on the counter and looks at my pitiful form. "Come on, what's your story?" he insists. He hair is thinning, and I can't stop staring at it. His face is weathered, and the skin is pink.

I look up at him, not understanding why he was talking to me. "I don't know what you're talking about," I reply, amazed at the coherent sentence flow coming out of my mouth.

"Don't try to fool me, boy. I'd been in the business for thirty years now." His eyes have a friendly glow about them, but I can't make out the color.

I'm tired, and don't want to argue so I opt for a vague response. "It's a girl." And that's half the tale, anyway.

He nods knowingly, and rubs his bald spot. "It's always a girl. Damn women, always know how break a man."

"It's not like that," I say defensively, slurring the 's'. I can barely see straight, and my stomach is flexing anxiously. I now see the reason why I don't drink.

The old man doesn't relent. He leans on the counter as if he hasn't got another place to be at, eager to help yet another poor fool with his love problems.

"Oh, boy oh boy, you don't have to defend her. Trust me, I know women. Been hearing about them everyday since I started working here. What's your story, huh, boy? Did she steal all your money and took off? Ran off with your brother? Trust me, I've heard it all." The man's eyes are shining, as if he's cackling at my misery inside of his head. But he's wrong, because he hasn't heard it all. He hasn't heard my tale. Is that what humans are like, thinking that we know everything even though we're still young and fairly naïve. Is that how I am in this situation? Am I overreacting? Could I learn to love Usagi, and who knows, maybe she is the right one for me but I refuse to believe so because it could potentially destroy all the plans I have for myself, for my future? Can I give up the future I planned out for myself for something that could be much better?

I can't bare to start explaining anything, as I would need to alter the facts and take out anything I shouldn't say, and I'm too drunk to do any fibbing. So I mutter, "Leave me alone," and stare down at my glass mug.

The man scoffs and goes away. 

There's a racket, and someone screams obscenities, but I'm too far gone to care.

I think about everything. Usagi. Destiny. Earth. Choice.

And I make my decision.

-  
AN: Well, there you have it. I didn't think that writing the ending in stone was a smart idea, therefore I left it open for people to interpret it in different ways. This could be an Alternate Reality, or just Mamoru's musings before he accepts his destiny. That is really up to you, the reader, to think about, after reading this one-shot. I know some people might be angry that I tried to portray the fears and doubts that Mamory has about this relationship instead of the sunshine love we see on the screen. But I was curious to see what would come out of a one-shot where Mamoru muses over the path he has to follow just because his past self decided to do so. 


End file.
